It Has Begun...

It is the first day of the fall semester and after taking the summer off I'm not sure I'm ready for it. After going to school every semester since the summer of 2010, taking a break was weird. Grant it I only take one or two classes at a time, it still felt funny. Not much has changed though. It's still a fashion show here and plenty of ghetto-ness to go around. I suppose that comes with the territory. Anyway, I'm hoping for a productive semester and less procrastination. But we'll see how the latter goes. Time to blow until my first class and I'm beginning to regret not bringing my kindle to keep me occupied. *sigh*

It has begun.....

Eternal Darkness

Sometimes I feel like I'm trapped in eternal darkness. There is no beginning and no end. Just a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach and the hollowness of my heart. The shadows engulf me at every turn. I can hear them laughing as a stumble through the darkness. Reaching, searching, and hoping to find the light once again. The light that use to see me through all of my trials and tribulations. The light that gave me faith. Now as I go forth blindly all I can do is pray that one day I'll see a spark that will illuminate my path so that I can bask in that glorious light. The light that will banish all shadows from my life, stop the sinking, and fill the hollowness inside. Until then I am forced to keep moving ever so slowly through the gloom that surrounds me.

The Shortest Year in History

So today my son turned one. I can't believe how fast this year has gone by. All day I've been a ball of mixed emotions. One minute I'm a complete mush bucket (crying and crap) and the next I'm on edge. What's that all about? *shrugs* I guess it comes with the territory of being a mother or maybe it's because I was thinking about my house being full one year old boys Saturday. Fun fun! It should be great though. Jake and the Neverland Pirates is the theme for my son's party. I swear that's one of the best shows out right now. My son is going to love it!.....Cake and ice cream here I come. I'm going to get all the kids hyped up on sugar and then send them home with their parents. I totally rock!!! LOL

Crap

So much crap has happened in the last month I feel like I just want to scream and pull my hair out (what little I have left).  But that won't help anything, it'll just give me a headache.  Trying to keep my mind off the crap is proving to be very difficult but I think I've found a solution.  Simply cut the people out of my life that cause the crap. Sounds easy enough but we'll see how that works out for me.

I'm so flipping happy that the semester is almost over I could cry tears of joy.  I'm finally going to take a semester off and relax my mind. At least that's what I tell myself.  In reality I'm going to be looking for a job and praying I get one so I can save some money up for the fall semester. Hopefully I'll find the time to write the two stories that are swimming around in my head. *sighs* We'll see.

Fed Up!

I am so fed up with the black community. The young men sit around and talk about how the white man is doing this to them and the government is doing that. No you're doing it to yourselves. If you want something bad enough no one can keep you from getting it. So instead of smoking that blunt why don't you pick up a book and learn something. Instead of selling that dope go flip burgers at McDonalds while going to school.Young ladies instead of laying up and having children on top of children, go to school, get a career, not just a job that's just going to hold you over. Our race is in a spiral downfall. If you want to blame someone pick up a mirror and stare real hard at the person looking back at you because only that person is the reason for your failure. You talk about white people want to keep you down,they don't have to because they know you're going to do it yourself. God gave us the gift of free will and some of you just use it as if it's toilet paper. Do something with your life. Make a difference! Our ancestors fought too hard for our freedom and the right to educate ourselves for it to be thrown away so easily. We are descendants of kings and queens.Act like it!

Just needed to vent. I'm just fed up. Sometimes it makes me sick to watch how the people of my race are throwing away their lives. Blaming everyone but themselves for the way their lives are turning out or have turned out. The made those decisions. Black on black crime is a disgrace and a waste of life. Instead working hard some choose to take the easy way out. Doing that you will get no where in life.

My parents have always worked hard for what they have. They raised me to do the same. They preached to me as a child to get an education, work hard for the things that you want, and never let anyone tell you that you can't do something. If you want it bad enough you'll get it. I admit to falling off the wagon a few times but I climbed back on it. I'm in school, I take care of my son, and I stay away from the drama that I know will pull me away from my goal.

It's Been A While...

It's been a while since I've last blogged. It wasn't intentional but every time I intend to sit down and write, something always comes up. Now it's time to play catch up.

Let's see...Spring break was pretty awesome for me. I started it off by going to my first hockey game with one of my childhood friends. The Admirals won their 12th game in a row that night (I believe their streak is 20 now). I got out on the ice for the last post game skate of the season. BAD IDEA! Me+Ice skates=epic fail! But at least I got out there and tried. I did get a few autographs before I made my not so smooth exit off the ice. My dad took Spring break off because we were suppose to make a trip to Connecticut to see my Grandpa but we ended up not going. Instead we planned the trip for after the semester and spent the week at home. On Tuesday we took my son to the aquarium, which he loved. Then on Wednesday I took my son back to the aquarium with my best friend from elementary school and her son (I spent a lot of time with childhood friends over the break it seems). Thursday my dad, my son, and I went to IHOP and then to the zoo. We had a great time. After that we were pretty much home bound. None of us are really use to getting out that much in one week. Kinda sad now that I think about it.

Last week wasn't really a good week. My mother's health isn't doing so well but all I can do is hope and pray that things will turn around. And to top off a not-so-good week I lost my jump drive that had all my assignments on it and my portfolio for my childhood education classes. I was a wreck! Luckily I found it. Now I have everything backed up in two places.

It's a little after 5am and I'm working off of 2 1/2hrs of sleep. I have lots due this evening and I'm a little behind due to the fact that I couldn't find my jump drive. THAT GOODNESS FOR COFFEE!!!

PARTY PARTY PARTY!

Saturday night was so awesome. My best friend and two of my other close friends went out to celebrate my birthday and had a blast! When we made it to our destination we just sat back and got a feel for the crowd. Observation time was over before I knew it because my best friend had me out on the dance floor before I could even finish my first drink. After that my night was filled with jello shooters, straight shots of Jack Daniels, and some fruity drinks that I can't remember the name of. I do however remember one of the ladies that worked at the club was so smashed that she show my friends and I her behind right on the dance floor. That definitely took me by surprise. Anywho by time we made it home I was feeling good but that didn't stop me from taking a shot of Jamacian Rum before my head hit the pillow (at 3am). I seemed to be the only one of my friends that woke up without a hangover, which is funny because I'm the youngest. Go figure! Well that was my Saturday night. I'm pretty sure I left some things out but that might be best. LOL

My Best Friend and I

The Big 2 1

I celebrated my 21st birthday on Tuesday. Whoop dee doo I'm grown now! Legally anyway. I spent my day with my son. We went out to eat and did some visiting. As hard as I tried to avoid the happy couples it was of course impossible. An upside though was that my husband sent me a new ring. He did gooooood! Just wish he could have given it to me himself instead of mailing it. After a lengthy conversation with him everything panned out to be alright. I went to the ABC store and purchased my "first" bottle of Grey Goose and after my son went to sleep I indulged....A lot...The things you think about when you drink alone. Man oh man my mind is a terrible place to be! I'm having a girls' night out on Saturday to really celebrate, I can only imagine the trouble I'll get into! Fun fun!

Bittersweet

Well I got back in town Monday morning from Louisiana. My great grandmother passed away last week and her funeral was Saturday. It seems that there is always something going on. I guess what people say is true, when it rains it pours. Sometimes I just want to give up and let everything go. However, I know that I can't. I look at my son and he is my strength. I can't sit here and say the whole trip was sad and depressing because it wasn't. It became a celebration. My great grandmother lived a full life of 87 years and she wouldn't want everyone to be sad, so we weren't. We celebrated her life and enjoyed being around our family. This was my son's first trip to Louisiana and he got to meet a big part of his family. He got to see his father and big sister for the first time in 5 months. It felt awesome to have my little family together again, as well as my big family. We were able to support each other and not dwell on the reason for the trip. When Sunday evening came around it took everything in me to hold it together. I didn't want to leave. My family means so much to me it hurt to leave. The only thing that made it easier was the fact that my son and I will be returning after the semester is over. YAY! I'm so ready to go back home again!

                                   My son and stepdaughter. These two make life worth living!

My Little Family

The Pain I Feel...

The past few months have been very hectic, stressful, and heartbreaking. However, I have kept my head held high, and never let the obsticles slow me down. Things seemed to be mellowing out for me once school began. I started my son and I on a new routine and it has been working great for us. All was right with the world....

Monday morning I had just laid my son down for his nap, and I was relaxing and enjoying the quiet. My phone rang and my best friend's mother's name came across the screen. After two seconds on the phone with her she told me that her husband had passed about an hour before. She couldn't get in contact with her daughter (my bestie) so she had to call me. She wanted me to tell her what happened. Now my best friend's father had been sick since Thanksgiving with stage 4 cancer and was paralyzed from the chest down, so we knew it was coming. Still, you're never really prepared when it finally happens. When I got off the phone I was in shock. How on Earth was I going to tell my best friend her father was gone? The whole twenty minutes it took me to get to her house were the longest ever! I had no idea what I was going to say or how I was going to say it. When I finally found the words and told her the news, my heart broke right along with hers. That was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I've had dreams since then of the look on her face and the feeling of my heart twisting in pain. I know if I feel like this, I can only imagine how she is feeling.

I told this story because time is precious. You never know when your last minute is going to be up. Spend every moment with the ones you love and don't let hatred fill your heart. I make sure I tell my parents, my son, and everyone I care for I love them as much as possible. You do not know if you will ever be able to say it to them again.

Potty Dance

I don't know how many of you watch television or have seen the Pull-Ups commercial where they have children doing the "Potty Dance," but it's become a ritual in my house. Every time that commercial comes on, which is all the time, my son starts dancing. Mind you he's only eight months. I think it's the cutest thing ever but I'm starting to hate the song. It is embedded in my head and I'm pretty sure if it was up to my son he would have me sing it all day long.

It's not a very interesting story but it is my life. Now I have to go because my son is taking off down the hallway!

Bucket List

I was watching the movie 'The Holiday' staring Cameron Diaz and Kate Winslet for the thousandth time, and I started thinking about my life. These two women switched homes, and countries, for the holiday. I can't imagine the kind of adventures I would have if I did something like that. Anyway, I got to thinking about things I want to do before I die. So last night after I put my son to sleep I sat up and started my bucket list. I never actually realized all the things I want to do until I put them on paper. Currently I have 24 things that need to be checked off, and more to come. Glad I'm only 20 (soon to be 21). My list ranges from traveling through Italy to being kissed in the rain. Man oh man I'm going to have a good life.

Something New

So this is my first time blogging but I am pretty sure once I start I won't be able to stop. Tonight was my first night in my English class and I liked it. I think that I will enjoy myself. I feel that if I keep an open mind and stay positive then good things will come to pass. So far this week I have two classes down and one to go. It's been smooth sailing so far, let's just hope my Saturday class will keep up the momentum.

Well today has been a long day and I'm tired. That said I think I'm going to call it a night. However, not before I take the time to marvel at my son. He's laying in his crib next to my bed looking so peaceful and innocent. One of my favorite past times is watching him sleep...Hmm maybe that's because I know when he wakes up he will be giving me a run for my money!